Horrible Blog post. Dont Even Read it..

What is wrong with this picture? Coffee. The non existence of it. Hold on.

See? This is so much better.
Let me draw you a picture.
 Me without coffee...

And then we have..

Me WITH coffee...

I suppose everyone gets the "picture" now huh? get it.. you get the picture?

Never mind.

I wanted to write this morning, but I'm kind of sick and REALLY tired.

You know those commercials with the phlegm and junk? How they move into your throat?

that is ALL wrong.

I'm pretty sure its little angry miners with pick axes in my throat. Because I don't feel just slime when I swallow. I feel angry miners picking at my throat as if there is some sort of treasure in there. 

THERE ISN'T.

and coughing just makes them dig deeper and harder. So screw you, Phlegm in your chest commercial! I have angry miners in my throat and chest and they are NOT happy.

Make me a medicine for THAT why don't you???

Yesterday was really annoying. What if the world operated on doctors time?

At least when we go to the doctor  we plan on somewhat of  a delay. Like 30 minutes at most.

Except yesterday. My appointment was at 3. I arrived at 2 :45.. and I did not leave the doctors office til nearly 2 hours later.

I think it gives them some sort of pleasure. I don't know. but this was the most awkward visit Ive ever had.

not to mention annoying beyond all measure. They finally get my hopes up, after waiting for a VERY long time.

Take me to a room with a horridly colored chair with no back, and the nurse talks to me for all of 2 minutes and says the doctor "will be in shortly" .

So I naturally assume maybe this time she actually means what she says...

And I kid you not, That is how tiny the room is. I counted the ceiling squares and theres only 14. 

So I'm sitting there, honest to God trying to remain civil and patient.
And the unthinkable happens.

that's right. One right after the other.

Now you may think "oh. banging. huh. must be hanging something"

When I hear bangs. one. right. after. the. other. to the point my wall is vibrating with each bang. 

I don't think hanging a picture.

I try to think of ANYTHING else it could be.

I'm in a dentist office. Why would a dentist have anything he needs to bang on? oh God. it just doesn't sound right!  

I rocked back and forth trying to pretend it was something else.

it was the Nazis trying to get to me because I'm 1/8th Jewish...

The doctor was pounding somebodies skull against the wall because their wisdom teeth just wouldn't come out.

World War 10 was about to start.

They couldn't get to me so they had to bang on the door to get it down, that's just how committed they are to their patients!!!

Oh GOD! ANYTHING BUT WHAT I THOUGHT!

And then.

And then I think. "well. that's over.. Maybe he'll come in now"

But no. 

I sit. and for some reason, the silence is worse than the banging.

I chew my nails.

I count how many nostril hairs I have.

I count how many white spots I have on my fingers. Remember how parents used to tell you the white spots on your fingernails were how many boyfriends you had? I have like. 8 boyfriends then.

*-(Boyfriend, I promise I don't, there's only you)-*

I start banging my head on the wall.

And he appears.  The doctor that is. Not my boyfriend. 

What bothers me is that he's straightening his scrub shirt as he enters.

  I think to myself "no. This is a public place. Its fine" 

I mean...common sense just says so.

He apologized for the wait. And I say "its okay!"

Why do we do that? I wanted to strangle him until he cried because he made me wait so long AND made my mind go in places it did NOT wanna go.

So I nicknamed the doctor. Pedophiliac Awkward Over Friendly Doctor

 PAOFD for short.

We'll skip past all that because,well. Its boring.   

I think I'm boring myself.  After PAOFD got done being his pedophiliactic over friendly self, he told me to WAIT some more! O_O 

Then after I waited, and waited... and waited.. he popped his head in and said his secretary would come get me to take care of a few things. And WINKED.

She finally came and got me out of the room I was quickly naming "my cell".

I sat and waited some MORE.

My anger dissipated when I saw she was dealing with a man who had clearly just had his teeth pulled, he had huge chipmunk cheeks and lots of gauze.  And he was arguing over whether 2 +2 = 7or not. And on top of chipmunk cheeks and gauze, he had the largest accent Ive ever heard.

And the argument went on for about 30 minutes. *(not really but it felt like it )*

anyway. I finally got out of there. And now I'm going back next week to let PAOFD knock me out.  Does this seem like a good idea to me? No. Do I have a choice? maybe, but I don't feel like waiting 3 more years in doctors office.. Ill keep PAOFD and hope the only thing that's gone is my teeth when I wake up... 

That's a preview of what I'm going to look like next week while posting a blog.

Feel sorry for me?

Bring me frosties and slushies and lots of movies next week.

Ill take money donations too. . .

just email me at 

thestickypickle@gmail.com

=D



UPDATE: You may notice words in here you have never seen before. Thats because I make up words. Its called Caro-Linguistics ((Boyfriend came up with that :) ))